A Lighter Way Week 16: The Long Work of Becoming
Sep 05, 2026The Long Work of Becoming
I thought I was beyond being curled up in a fetal position. I thought I had worked past panic attacks and cortisol rushing through my bloodstream in waves that could take down a building. Yet there I was, 47 years old on the floor, struggling to breathe, reliving trauma, and doing whatever I could to stay grounded in a moment when all I wanted to do was run.
Sometimes, that is what life brings. We relive our most painful moments, emotionally hit from all directions, leaving behind an emotional wasteland we must work through for years. Our systems take the hit—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Like grief, it comes in waves, but that doesn’t lessen the impact. We are continually faced with a choice: brace against it and fight or roll with the wave and whatever it brings.
For me, in this instance, my pain did not come from a single event. My trauma was the result of regular, intentional decisions to love and to live in a way that I felt Spirit called me to. I still trust that calling, and I see the gifts born from those choices, but that faith does not negate the price paid.
The cost of following Spirit’s call is layered. It can be full of joy, relief, and hope, but it can also come at a great expense. Unbeknownst to others—and to me at the time—the price would be enormous, leaving wounds I will be working to heal from for the rest of my life.
Processing grief and loss we experience due to things we continually choose for ourselves carries an awkward weight. Recognizing how much pain came from our own choices, regardless of intent, is complicated. Surviving the decision in the moment is only the beginning. The long-term impacts can slowly eat away at our strength, resolve, and comfort. The assurances we started with begin to fade, and voices of doubt feed exhaustion and regret into our minds, bodies, and spirits. The weight feels too heavy, the heartbreak too much to bear. Tears flow, anger rages, and regret looms. We become witnesses to pain we never wanted to see, left overwhelmed by sorrow or living in a state of numb survival.
Yet, as I walk through my own grief, I am continually reminded of how far I have come.
Hindsight brings clarity, giving us a chance to breathe new life into the painting of our past. Like the Japanese practice of Kintsugi, we can look back and see the gold filling the cracks our grief left behind. We can appreciate what has been, trusting that Spiritwill make beauty of each moment ahead. Each instance of re-lived pain forges a path for healing, bringing beauty to the present and the legacy we leave behind.
Invitation: What Are We Releasing?
Often, my re-lived pain is rooted in unseen expectations I carry for myself—beliefs absorbed unconsciously in my earliest years with innocent intentions. However, those same beliefs instilled judgment and fear, masking the reality of what needs to be healed.
For example, the belief that being quiet was the same as being respectful, kept me from finding my voice and trusting my own intuition. It took me years to trust that I was able to verbalize my thoughts clearly and that my thoughts had merit and worth. As a girl I learned that my value was in the services I could provide, not my thoughts and feelings as a person. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I began to realize how powerful my voice could truly be. The behavior I was taught as a very small child, imprinted in ways no one intended, but those messages came through and my inner child retained them for decades.
Recognizing these labels allows us to relive past experiences and re-parent our inner child through the trauma. From a safe place, we can re-process those moments—not around them, or over them, but with and through them.
When I find the grace to surrender to the flow of the emotion, a space opens up to simply be present with Spirit in that trauma. Allowing for that space is the greatest gift I can give myself and those around me. It is the power of letting go. Surrendering expectations is a constant peeling back of old programming. By practicing awareness and curiosity in our thinking, we give Spirit room to move with ease and give our bodies the freedom to process events without feeling threatened.
Above all else, let my message bring you encouragement. This life is short. We are not of this world; we are simply souls having a human experience. Be kind with yourselves as we traverse upon this planet. It is a journey that is fleeting and we are all finding our way as best we can, knowing what we do in any given moment, and seeking change as we learn new things. Make sure, as you meander along life's paths, that you see yourself through the same kind, compassionate eyes that Spirit sees with. You are a gift and the world needs you. You are bettering this place simply by being in it. It takes a generous dose of empathy alongside a hefty helping of tenacity and strength to do this work. We need more of what you are. Keep going.
Practice: Asking the Bigger Questions
It sounds simple, but it is hard. It belongs in every moment, every decision, and every relationship.
Pause.
In every moment, take a pause. Before you speak, respond, react, or move: Pause.
Ask yourself three questions:
● Why do I think this?
● Who taught me that I should feel, think, respond, or react this way?
● Is this something I truly desire to do, say, or be?
Now, breathe. Ask one final question:
● What is Spirit calling me to do or be in this moment?
Take three deep, cleansing breaths with intention. Breathe in Spirit’s warmth, light, and renewal. Exhale old patterns, thinking, and pain.
Use this practice for the little things, too—even washing the dishes. Sometimes the dishes need to sit while you take a walk in nature or snuggle with your dog. We must take care of our souls before we attend to the next task.
Blessing: May You Be Strengthened for the Way
Spirit, bring us into moments of stillness, peace, and rest.
Spirit, give us eyes to see our inner child with grace and compassion.
May we see the journey ahead with curiosity and an opportunity to heal.
May we forgive ourselves for not being what our inner child needed as we journeyed through life’s pains.
May we recognize the healing power of love and forgiveness as we walk through self-discovery.
May we feel the power of Spirit as we step into the amazing co-creation of who we are.
May we feel the awesome greatness of the Spirit that lives within us, breathing in and growing the light resides there
May Spirit guide our souls to a place of awakened gratitude and life-giving joy.
Amen.
This sixteenth reflection is by Beth Brighton, graduate of WTC's School of Spiritual Direction.
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