How to Turn Muddy Starts into Moments of Lasting Wonder
Jan 21, 2026For the first 18 years of my life, I felt as if I was inhibited from seeing the breadth and
depth of Holy Mystery. It’s not because God was small, but my understanding of my
image of God was.
Everything was so black and white. I was so trapped in dualistic thinking. Right and
wrong. Saved or lost. I now recognize it as a sin of certainty. I was also so caught up in
being the good, nice, perfect Christian girl.
I related to the story the directee shared of being a wildebeest. She described herself as
a wildebeest calf stuck in the mud. In the wild, she explained, being “nice” keeps the calf
frozen and unable to move, unable to struggle, unable to survive.
"Needing to be nice traps me,” she said. If the calf stays still, compliant, quiet, she will
be “just as dead.”
I was so consumed with being nice and good, and when everything remained black and
white, I wasn't fully living. I was so shackled by certainty and rules that I had no freedom.
Anxiety is what ruled my life. I was so scared I wouldn't get to heaven if I wasn't nice or perfect enough. My view of God was so limited, and mystery felt like exactly what God wasn't about!
I once was stuck in the mud.
Now, that's not the case.
I found freedom in the act of letting go. I let my faith and beliefs evolve and change. As I
left my walled-in, cement, black and white city of certainty, I moved to the wilderness.
Everything changed.
I let go of all that I knew, and I walked into the Holy Mystery.
My life shifted from black and white to color. From constant seriousness to fun, play. and humor.
Mystery, once feared, became holy ground. Everything changed for me
when my view of God expanded, and I let go and embraced Holy Mystery.
At Wisdom Tree Collective, we believe this movement from certainty into Holy Mystery
is not a failure of faith but a deepening of it. The wilderness is not where God
disappears; it is where God becomes more real than we ever imagined.
If you find yourself tired of being nice, exhausted by perfection, or stuck in the mud of
certainty, know this: freedom may not be found in having better answers, but in learning how to trust the questions.
Holy Mystery is not the enemy of faith. It is where faith finally comes alive.
Where might you be clinging to certainty as a form of safety rather than trust?
Abby Buter Oakhart, WTC Board Member: Nuturer of Community Care (Secretary)
Click here to view Abby's website: Abby Buter
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